All of My Memories
by Loreyulia
Summary: We were so young, so innocent and naive to think our love would last. Even I, the ever-foolish Italia, know how stupid we were to think otherwise. Songfic.


Disclaimer: I do not own APH. If I did, I would have made Italy angst over his loss of Holy Rome just a bit in the Anime. I mean, the guy's just too happy, it makes me wonder… I also do not own the song _Memories _by Within Temptation, even though I wished I did…

A/N: So here is the second Songfic in my song inspired one-shot series. *fanfare begins to play* It is all in Italy's perspective, and has small splashes of GerIta, because let us face it I am OBSESSED with the pairing. Please, enjoy the story!

All of My Memories

_In this world you tried, not leaving me alone behind… _

Today is the anniversary of your death, the day I remember every moment of my long life. We were so young, so innocent and naïve, to think that our love would last. Even I, the ever-foolish Italia, know how stupid we were… to think, I would ever see you again.

Clutching my sky blue bed sheets tightly around my trembling frame, an uncharacteristic laugh of self-contempt falls from my lips. War is so pointless, it always takes away the most important people in my life… and I was so foolish to believe, that you would not leave me behind as well…

A memory flicks to the surface of my thoughts; it is the memory of the day that my world had ended. The day my heart stopped, and I lost my innocence… the day I was told that _you, _had died.

_There is no other way, I prayed to the gods let him stay… _

I remember falling to my tiny legs, tears streaming down my youthful face; a face that was once untouched by sorrow and loss. I remember Hungary scooping me up into her motherly arms, cooing in my ear, "Don't cry Italy. Your face is much more suited for pretty little smiles. It'll be okay. You have me, hush dear child."

I had turned my face up from her comforting bosom, and smiled through my tears. That was the day that I had learned to smile through anything… because nothing would ever compare to the loss of losing you.

Even though I knew you were gone, I still couldn't help but offer up a childish prayer every night. If I was good, worked harder, became stronger, then in return maybe God would give you back.

I prayed every night, for at least a hundred years before I knew, it was pointless… as pointless as someone losing their life over what? More land, more riches, more power? That is why I do not fight in wars, for there is no point. Nothing will bring you back, no matter how much I wish, or pray.

_The memories ease the pain inside, now I know why… _

The memories of a happier time ease the pain that I feel. Any time my anguish threatens to dissolve me; all I need to do is recall your smile, or remember the feel of your soft lips pressing shyly against my own.

Everyone always told me that the heartache would dull over time, and the sweet memories that I cherished of our time together would heal my heart. As a child, I did not understand what they meant, but now as a man, I think that I am beginning to understand.

_All of my memories keep you near. _

Every memory I have of you, keeps you alive. Because, if at least one person remembers the great Holy Roman Empire, then he shall live forever. This is why I can't die, because if I do, then you will truly die alongside me.

_In silent moments, imagining you here. _

Silence is always what brings out the painful memory of losing you. In my utter silence and loneliness, my hazy thoughts conjure up images of you painting a bunny rather horribly, or following me around with that adorable face; that spoke of both undeniable strength, and utter shyness.

When I'm all alone, I find it so easy to imagine you still by my side laughing, and holding my small hand in yours, as we stand in a field of flowers. Maybe that's why I always try to surround myself with people, because I fear the loneliness more than anything else…

_All of my memories keep you near. In silent whispers, silent tears. _

I have lost count of how many times that I have cried myself to sleep, wishing you were here to wipe away my tears; to hold me, and help me through the bitter nights, so we could see the kind sunrise together.

_Made me promise I'd try, to find my way back in this life. _

We had made a promise, so very long ago. You promised you would come home safe from the war, and I promised to make you sweets when you returned. Did you know? I bake sweets for you every year, still hoping that you might walk through the door and envelope me in your loving embrace. I go back to the home we shared together every year as well, hoping it will make it easier for you to find me…

_Hope there is a way, to give me a sign you're okay. _

I wish there was a way to know if you are truly dead or not. No one really saw you die, but… no one really see's you alive now either. You know, I recently met a man… he looks just like you, if you had grown older. He acts like you too, his name is Germany. Sometimes, I can't help but foolishly wish that somehow, maybe he is you. Maybe you became him, so you could find me at last.

_Reminds me again it's worth it all, so I can go home. _

This man reminds me of why I have to live. Because if he is you, then we can finally fulfill our promises. And maybe then your soul can rest in peace, because you would know that I am safe, and that I am loved.

_Together in all these memories, I see you smile. _

I always loved your smile the best. It was always so rare, that when you did smile, I knew it was honest and sincere.

_All of the memories, I hold dear. _

Every memory of you I cherish. To this day I haven't forgotten a single one.

_Darling you know I'll love you 'til the end of time. _

I hope you do know that. I will always love you the most; you are the brightest star that shines in my night sky, but… I can't help but fall to my weakness. For, I have fallen in love with the man who looks like you; he stole my heart before I could even begin to resist. He helps ease the pain of losing you, and over time I think it won't hurt so badly when I remember you.

_All of my memories keep you near. In silent moments, I imagine you here. _

No matter what I will remember the love we once shared, but I must move forward now. My future is calling me, and I intend to make it one full of laughter, and happiness. Please forgive me Holy Rome, but I can no longer live in the darkness- I yearn to see the light.

_All of my memories keep you near. In silent moments, silent tears._

I know I will still cry every year when your anniversary goes by, but my tears won't be laden with sorrow. I will cry for the sacrifice you made, and how happy I am to be alive, keeping you alive right along with me. I have friends now, who help me through it all, and I will not burden them with my tragic past. We will all be happy, and I hope that wherever you are, you are happy too.

_All of my memories… _

~Fin~


End file.
